When you're lonely, I'll be lonely too

I've been taught that homosexual feelings are not bad, but the act of homosexuality (ie, sex) is. I feel almost trapped by this, because, although I'm not gay, if I told anyone in this 'we-all-need-to-accept-gays-now-no-questions-asked' society what I believe, I would almost certainly lose friends, be judged and be called Homophobic. But if I were to so into a Church and say that we all need to accept gays now, I would have a stern talking to from about 50 people. I have gay friends and (cont'd)

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 16:14:20 -0400

This is part 1 of the anonymous answer from below :)

(part 2) I think that the only reason gay marriage shouldn't be allowed is because of the pressure it puts on the church to allow it, which I believe it shouldn't have to do, full stop. You're probably labeling me as anti-gay now. Sometimes I don't know what I believe and I can't talk to anyone about it. My Mum tells me my gay friend isn't actually gay and she's signed a 'Keep marriage between 1 man and 1 women' petition. I don't know what to think.

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 16:13:19 -0400

Don’t worry, I’m not going to just aimlessly insult you. What I feel is confusing you is that you’ve been told what to think, and not allowed to make your own judgement, without being influenced by bias. I personally feel that the church is making excuses when it comes to gay marriage, as there’s so much dangerous stigma attached to it. So many gay Christians that deserve to celebrate their love in the manner of their religion are really cruelly denied their religious right, and that’s what’s truly awful.

There is a lot of pressure on the church, but to be fair it’s had rather a long time to come to terms with changing views of sexuality, and accepting homosexuality is in no way abandoning other morals, but maturing.

Being prejudiced against homosexuality reflected Christian attitudes at the time… we’re no longer in that time.

Honestly, I feel a little like I’m not the best person to ask - to make up your own mind, do your own research, don’t let other people determine what you should believe.

Good luck x

I'm gay and I want to come out, first to my parents but I'm finding it do hard to tell them, I know they won't be pleased, any advice?

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:36:48 -0400

Well, it all depends on your own personal scenario really, but from my experience it could perhaps be better to tell a really close friend first, as hopefully that will a) give you a confidence boost, b) give you someone in-the-know to talk with and perhaps even be there when you tell them.
If you know you’re ready, then maybe go for Mum first. This might not be the case with you, but I’ve always been closer with my Mum, and once you (and I really hope you do) have her support, I think it’ll feel so much safer telling Dad.

Know that you’ll probably be surprised, because behind whatever exterior they have, these people love you more than any other could in the world, and being gay does not destroy that.

Good luck with it, I wish only the best for you. x

Sorry, I'm sending this in two separate bits. But yes, anyway, as shallow a problem as this may come across, I'm disgustingly embarrassed of my body. And I think my boyfriend and I have reached a stage in our relationship where things are becoming more physical. And the question of whether I'm going to lose my virginity to him is worrying me. I don't know if I'm ready or not, I think I may be but I don't know. And I don't want him to see me because of my insecurities about my body. Pleasehelpme!

Sat, 01 Oct 2011 13:54:14 -0400

What particular trait is is that you believe holds you back? What anyone who is concerned about their body needs to know, is that everyone is concerned about their body. Thin people do not always like being thin - I certainly don’t. The key thing you’ve neglected here, is that you and your boyfriend are in such an intimate, and I hope loving relationship, that you’re considering the next step - and so, you should know that he loves you for what you are now, and whatever is embarrassing you about your body is something he does not mind. You say you don’t think you’re ready? Then don’t submit. ‘Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter.’ He will respect you more for saying no when you didn’t feel comfortable than he would if you give in when not ready.

I hope this has aided you a little.

you don't talk about your sexuality? wow. i'm sorry.

you're a really fantastic person, by the way. x

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 18:04:42 -0400

Not with her, really. I talk about it with my close friends, and that’s really nice; being open and honest.

Thank you, though there are people far more noteworthy than me. I just try my best to be supportive and kind to those who need it most. x

thank you so much. i'm going to wait and see if i develop anything with someone of my gender. your advice has totally calmed me down.

i'm sorry your mum didn't believe you when you came out. x

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 18:00:24 -0400

That’s quite alright, I’m really glad I helped.

It’s okay, it was just upsetting at the time. We don’t talk about it. Not because I’m ashamed, just that it’s uncomfortable. x

when i was younger, i used to find both girls and boys attractive, but i always shrugged it off as a young phase or whatever. but i still think it. and i've thought about dating both genders and i'd be happy with either. as long as i loved the person.
i'm not scared of people hating me for it. i'm scared of people not believing me. because where i live a lot of girls and boys pretend to be bisexual for attention and stuff. there's lots of discrimination against bisexuals, more so than gays and lesbians. people seem to think you're automatically this emo kid who lives for drugs and sex and alcohol and that's not me at all.
also i don't even know for sure if i am. so if i told people that i was, and then decided that maybe i wasn't, i would feel like i was pretending. i'd just be confirming their suspicions.

thank you for listening to me. you're exactly what i need.

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 17:54:24 -0400

I’m glad you feel you can talk here.

Well, from what you’ve said, you could be right in suspecting bisexuality. This may class to you as attraction, but you also need to seriously consider sexual attraction, and whether that’s something to do with it.

I’ve heard of this situation before, where people decide to be bisexual for attention, and I’m afraid that whoever you are, there’s going to be some discrimination. It’s just how the world deals with it’s own insecurities.

And well people can have their naive stereotypes, but as long as you’re true to who you are, then you don’t have to worry. When I came out as gay to my Mum, she didn’t believe me at first. Then she saw how upset I was getting by her reaction, and realised I was serious.

I reckon the same will apply for you; when you’re telling the truth as honestly as you can, it’s hard for people to disbelieve you.

And like I said, if they doubt you, you most likely don’t need them.

If you’re still unsure, then perhaps you should wait until you feel some sort of connection between someone of the same sex, and whether there could be a relationship.

Spend time thinking it over, what you want and what that means to you.

i don't know if you still do this blog but whatever i need to talk to somebody so here goes.

i think i'm bisexual. i don't know for sure. i'm really confused and i don't know who to talk to.

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 17:23:38 -0400

I’m always here to talk to. I’m aware that it must be a really difficult tiime for you, and it can be worrying and confusing.

If you are bisexual, then that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. However, if you’re not completely sure, then you need to consider:

how long you’ve believed that you are attracted to both genders
whether you’d consider a relationship with both genders

The fact that you’ve sought help with this might mean that you’re worried about people’s reactions if they were to know. I suppose it depends on age and your personality, but people are surprisingly accepting, and if you don’t want everybody to know, then they don’t have to.

If you reach the conclusion that you are, then if there’s someone you really trust, tell them. It brings you closer to them, and will feel like a massive burden lifted from you, as long as you think they wouldn’t discriminate.

‘The ones that mind don’t matter, and the ones that matter don’t mind’

I hope this helps, and if you need any advice, you can contact me via this, or if you want more private advice, we can talk about anything that troubles you via ‘birdcagesfromitaly.tumblr.com’ which is my personal blog.

I wish you the best.

my situation is probably going to sound a bit weird, but i'm going to ask you for advice anyway. so about three months a go i started talking to this guy (who lives in another country btw) on tumblr, we became good friends and we shared our problems with eachother. but things started to get a bit more "sexual" and he asked me for topless pictures. he managed to convince me and i sent him one, showing very little and he sent me a lot of revealing pictures of himself to me. that was pretty much it with him, but then i would get bored i'd go on omegle and talk to people and sometimes they added me on msn and we talked and i'd send them pictures of me, that were quite revealing (if they asked, wich they most often did). and sometimes we'd go on webcam, and get naked and do "stuff" and it has just continued since then. i've sent pictures to other guys on tumblr and one time this douche posted them on his tumblr. i got them deleted, but he was still a giant prick. anyways, i dont even know how many people that have pictures of me anymore, because i've sent them so many times. and i try to stop, because i know that i'm going to regret it. but i cant. i want to, but i dont seem to be able to. so what do i do to stop?

Sun, 22 May 2011 06:52:20 -0400

Well it seems to me that you feel neglected, and so the pictures make you feel better about yourself, in that it’s a different side to you, and you want people to appreciate you.

The trouble is as you said, once you give people those pictures, you no longer have control of them. It would be better in the long term for you to stop, despite the short-term rush of it. To stop, you might have to consider leaving Tumblr for awhile, to reduce the temptation. Replace the urge with something else; write or draw, if you plan a project in your head, you’ll feel compelled to finish it, which will lessen the urge to send them.

Try spending more time with your friends or with people you feel like you, not just your body.

I really hope this helps. x

Hello :)

Sat, 21 May 2011 16:35:33 -0400

This is a place where you can be honest, so feel free to.

When you're lonely, I'll be lonely too

I'm gay and I want to come out, first to my parents but I'm finding it do hard to tell them, I know they won't be pleased, any advice?

you don't talk about your sexuality? wow. i'm sorry. you're a really fantastic person, by the way. x

thank you so much. i'm going to wait and see if i develop anything with someone of my gender. your advice has totally calmed me down. i'm sorry your mum didn't believe you when you came out. x

i don't know if you still do this blog but whatever i need to talk to somebody so here goes. i think i'm bisexual. i don't know for sure. i'm really confused and i don't know who to talk to.

Hello :)

you don't talk about your sexuality? wow. i'm sorry.

you're a really fantastic person, by the way. x

thank you so much. i'm going to wait and see if i develop anything with someone of my gender. your advice has totally calmed me down.

i'm sorry your mum didn't believe you when you came out. x

i don't know if you still do this blog but whatever i need to talk to somebody so here goes.

i think i'm bisexual. i don't know for sure. i'm really confused and i don't know who to talk to.